One of the important aspects of living in an evangelical christian movement can be deduced from the name itself. Proselytizing, that is, the attempts to convert people to our beliefs was at the core of this movement, as it is of many similar sects. Of course, we called it evangelizing.
It was a duty to go to the streets and stop people minding their own business, to ask if they wanted to talk about God. This was done usually on Saturdays, so it was a chore on top of the duty of church attendance three times a week. It was also done in pairs, so if one got confused, the other would continue. Interesting, that also Jehovah’s witnesses have resorted to this strategy.
Evangelizing wasn’t expected of me as a child, but the burden of duty, the idea of saving people’s souls and warning them of hell and the end of the world, weighed heavy on me even then. So as a pre-teen I attended this strange ritual time and again. I felt guilty, if I didn’t go, and ashamed when I did. What if my peers saw me? And then I felt guilt again, because you weren’t supposed to be ashamed of the gospel.
So one time, I was with a young lady of our church and she stopped a girl to talk about God. The girl was visibly irritated, which happened a lot actually. She didn’t want to talk. And then she turned to me and asked: “Do you believe in God?” “Yes”, I answered. “Why?” She asked. I couldn’t get a coherent explanation form my mouth. My partner took me by the hand, led me away and told me not to care.
But this was the first time someone questioned my faith in such a simple, direct way. I had never thought about it. It just had never occurred to me. And it has remained as one of the key moments I still remember to this day. The thought lingered in me, and gave rise to questioning…
And with questioning, something inside starts to rise. Something is seeking a way out…
New track and music video will be out on October 6th!